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sneaking glances

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[07 Nov 2006|01:18pm]
ok ok, so i am a little anxious.

i don't know what happened, but i unpacked five weeks' worth of being away from home & made one two four mixed cds. something about bulletproof vests & screwing up yr life again & shakedown 1979 & peak hill & fuck i wish i didn't have exams right now.

but i think i'm going to go to wyong this weekend with some memories that haven't really had time to air & maybe it will be ok to pick right up where we left off. no kidding, its going to be interesting. maybe i've left it way too late.

i'm going to walk around for the next few weeks & take pictures of everything; absolutely everything. i want evidence of these amazing things that are happening. this morning when i went to breakfast with my mother, two sparrows flew up onto the table next to us and started picking from the plates the customers had left. honestly, one had the blueberry pancakes with whipped cream & the other had the big breakfast complete with grilled tomato. !!

& you're going to have to start filtering out my words; i know i don't think before speaking, but i don't mean to sound as ridiculous as i do. nothing makes sense, but i don't see why it should have to either.

just maybe you could feel the same as someone else & ring them up & tell them. inconceivable.
12...| so call it quits, or get a grip

[10 Nov 2005|06:41pm]
all of a sudden, without any warning really, things just started mattering a lot to me. i couldn't care more.

& some things, that i just shouldn't do.

on the other hand:
  • criticism as inspiration :: pedro the lion
  • seven types of ambiguity :: elliot perlman - pretty much the only thing keeping me going. i decided to fall in love with this book. at least when it breaks my heart, noone will have to know about it.
  • the arcade fire!
  • sigur ros
  • cursive.
  • i am a horrible person.
  • ewww, myspace.
  • the art of leaving :: pleasant grove
  • children of the night sky :: degrees.k
  • if not on sunday, then perhaps another day?

i should stop seeing the worst in people.
[you do it to yourself, you do; & that's what really hurts.]
9...| so call it quits, or get a grip

[20 Sep 2005|08:26am]
through all the slinging barbs, we gave each other nicknames;
& i began to think of him as mine.

i'm beginning to dread this state of affairs.
so call it quits, or get a grip

[16 Sep 2005|06:31pm]
[ mood | ...i am the worst liar i know ]

i fail at even fake romances;
i fall in love with falsehoods & lies.

& besides, friends are enemies.

... i could never leave well enough alone - clumsy enough to fall for anyone. infatuated with shadows and ghosts and the fact that maybe memories will remain just memories and nothing else will ever eventuate. when fake romances are the closest thing you'll ever get, the tighter you grasp. but the best part of 'believe' is the 'lie'.

& it just seems that everyone who knows me, knows to aim for my heart & not for my head.

8...| so call it quits, or get a grip

[25 May 2005|10:15pm]

say yesCollapse )
4...| so call it quits, or get a grip

[01 Mar 2005|04:27pm]
10...| so call it quits, or get a grip

[20 Feb 2005|07:15pm]
&perhaps the extent
of my desire
[imagination] factors in,
when i construct whole conversations
in which you say what i want you to
[what you're supposed to];
& then the lisps & stutters & stumbles dont exist.
there's no "......",
no confusion,
no diffidence,
no shame;
just love.

& then i tear up all the scripts;
because you could never follow a cue.
4...| so call it quits, or get a grip

[02 Feb 2005|09:16pm]
[i could just not go, & leave you all alone]
so call it quits, or get a grip

[30 Jan 2005|09:55pm]
if safin doesnt win this thing, heads will actually roll.

14...| so call it quits, or get a grip

[25 Jan 2005|10:04pm]
Fast Food Work Is No Fun [Tell All Yr Friends]. 5-9 Are The Most Dreaded Hours On The Planet.

so wow...sure am hopin this whole "go away i dont want to see you, you just suck" phase thing passes pretty quickly..or something is going to have to spontaneously combust. i vote you.

um p.s. kris i think we should split the sugar load, coz you sure did take them all. bleughhhhhhh...

cool new fad #828736 sub-section 9a: alkaline trio. coz i mean really...just look at how goddamn ugly the stars are.
14...| so call it quits, or get a grip

[20 Jan 2005|04:42pm]
didnt actually realise how much i missed that ben kid till i saw him today & then i just died.
when you are never sure when he says that you've changed & looks at you strangely whether its a good thing or a bad thing, or even that you've changed at all, & how did this occur without your knowledge? ha; i miss you already, you big loser.
writing letters that'll never get sent. planning things that should never be said.
3...| so call it quits, or get a grip

[17 Jan 2005|11:49pm]
i fail at life.

F minus-minus.......minus-minus....minus-minus-minus....minus.

so now i am forced to live vicariously through the titillating life and times of my alter-ego, beryl chezmiznik, in a desperate attempt to salvage any vestiges of emotional capability&proceedings that are severely lacking in my own weak, pathetically-disguised, watery excuse of a life.

p.s. the fact that i managed to subtly slip in the word 'titillating' means i am cooler than at least....%7.58739487264 of you. at least.
5...| so call it quits, or get a grip

[13 Jan 2005|08:31pm]
[ mood | a million girls would KILL ]

today, an uncool kid dissed brand new. so i biffed him. tomorrow, he'll wake up with a shiner.

6...| so call it quits, or get a grip

[11 Jan 2005|12:26am]
& when they finally catch me, i want you there with one of yr crazy get-away schemes. find the beauty in the breakdown.
3...| so call it quits, or get a grip

[09 Jan 2005|12:09am]

out of cash & i.o.u.'sCollapse )
6...| so call it quits, or get a grip

[05 Jan 2005|04:13pm]
[ mood | does he ever get the girl? ]

"What are your feelings on piracy, internet or otherwise?
I figure if you can afford it, you should buy it; if you can't, you should enjoy it for free.

What was your most memorable day job?
Elementary pre-school teacher and running an after-school program for Grades K-5.

If I wasn't playing music I would be:
Teaching. I'm hyperactive and goofy and creative enough to thrive in that life.

What do you fear most?
Complacency. I think once you run out of things to strive for, you're pretty much old.

What makes you want to take it off and get it on?
White wine from New Zealand. That's when I get really easy."

...god i love that kid.

8...| so call it quits, or get a grip

[04 Jan 2005|04:27pm]
...the less you see of someone, the more appealing they become?

am i not yours?
6...| so call it quits, or get a grip

[22 Dec 2004|07:24pm]
today, i saw 87 cartons of alcoholic beverages pass by my shopfront window.
...& 21 hookers [or fantastic imitations of them]
......& 7 potential husbands.

about a boy & a generic description that could be any of you & all of you; too afraid to ask in case you're wrong & your pride is crushed and then where would we be??. & the world came crashing down.

i have no time for christmas. somebody else please enjoy it for me. miss you love.
4...| so call it quits, or get a grip

[16 Dec 2004|10:50pm]
this is what we call artCollapse )
9...| so call it quits, or get a grip

[16 Dec 2004|04:50pm]
...& i think if we actually told the truth for once, we'd be more than a little disappointed.
if we actually told the truth for once, we'd be more than a little speechless.

[oh; she still owes me 5 and five-sevenths.]
5...| so call it quits, or get a grip

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